Computer Programmes

Okay, I’m getting old.

You know how it is. You get a new computer programme or a new cell-phone or whatever and you get the instructions out. You try to follow the instructions. If you are lucky, they were written by someone who actually writes English quite well (not Ginglish or Janglish or whatever). But no matter how hard you try, by page 5, you are like… “WHAT?!?”

I bought Adobe Creative Suite 2.3 for my new Mac. Adobe CS2 (as it is called) has several computer programmes in it, the big ones being Adobe Photoshop (to manipulate photos), Adobe Illustrator (to create illustrations and images) and Adobe InDesign (like Microsoft Publisher but better) amongst other programmes.

Eagerly, I awaited delivery of these programmes. Once they arrived, the programmes were installed and I tried to use them. Confused.

Noel and I made a trek to Borders, as you do, to get books written by Adobe on how to use their programmes. Three were in stock, so I bought those.

The first book I started to use in conjunction with the programmes was an introductory book, like a basic “how to use CS2” book.

I am, a few weeks later, up to chapter 6 in the book. And, quite frankly, totally bewildered.

I remember getting cross with my Mom or Dad when they used to use the computer and I thought, to borrow a line from Little Britain, “Oh for fuck’s sake!” But now, I find myself a bit bewildered by these programmes.

“Open the ‘Create Selected Layer – Transparent’ command from the Palettes menu.” What fucking Palettes menu? And when I get there, what bloody “Create Selected Layer – Transpa…” Oh. That “Create Selected Layer – Transparent” command. Hmph.

I think, to be honest, having to remember so much for work and in life has given me brain overload!