After the earthquakes, I was pretty much always anxious, or depressed, or both. During these times, my heart felt like it became stone: uncaring, unfeeling, unable to connect to anyone else, including to myself. The Man I Loved moved away from Chicago before the quakes, but returned in 2012. After work, on this very day …
Tag Archives: depersonalization
Ghost in the Graveyard and Other Ghosting Games
As some of my regular readers may know, back in late 2014 when my depersonalization was first diagnosed and at one of its strongest points, I made the decision to pull away from my friendship with The Man I Loved. This got interrupted when I flew home to be with my dying grandmother, as he …
The Reverberations of a Terrorist Attack: In 3 Acts
I’m not going to lie; today has been a rough day emotionally.
“Never Tell the Same Lie Twice”
Elim Garak, a shifty character on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine whose true allegiance could never be determined, said that once in an episode. That’s the lesson he took away from “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. To him, the parable wasn’t about being honest and telling the truth so people always believed you, but, from …
Monster in My Head
It took me a long time to share my last post, The Long Road Back, on my blog. See, there’s a monster in my head. Not the depersonalization. No, thankfully, Michael (my counselor) and I have worked out that depersonalization is on the retreat for now. This? This is something stronger.
The Long Road Back
If you’ve been following my journey through the dissociative disorder known as depersonalization, thank you. Writing about it, and knowing it is being read about, has helped me cope a great deal, and that means a lot to me. Maybe my words are helping you understand what I’m going through, or maybe you’re going through …
Lost and Found
I seem to be crying a lot in counseling lately. Yesterday’s session gravitated first around my frustration and anger with the New Zealand Qualifications Authority (NZQA) and their seemingly unrelenting one-eyed behaviour towards me and our organisation.
Every Now and Then, You Come to Mind
There’s a Sheryl Crow duet with Sting where she sings the lyric, “Every now and then, you come to mind.” It’s a sad song, a song about lovers who once knew one another and now no longer talk or see one another. The song speaks to the core of me. A common theme throughout my …
The B Word
There seems to be a love affair with the B word in New Zealand education: bullying. There’s no denying that bullying occurs. That would be like denying breathing keeps us alive. But the use of the word disturbs me in the fact that, from what I have encountered in my professional life, the B word …
7 Years After the 22 February 2011 Quake
Today is an anniversary date in my life that I could live without. Actually, it’s so bad that the other day Noel asked me, “Isn’t the anniversary of Grandpa’s passing about this time of year,” the day after that anniversary, and I felt guilty about forgetting that. (My Grandpa passed away on 19 February 2004.) …
