After the earthquakes, I was pretty much always anxious, or depressed, or both. During these times, my heart felt like it became stone: uncaring, unfeeling, unable to connect to anyone else, including to myself. The Man I Loved moved away from Chicago before the quakes, but returned in 2012. After work, on this very day …
Category Archives: LGBT
Ghost in the Graveyard and Other Ghosting Games
As some of my regular readers may know, back in late 2014 when my depersonalization was first diagnosed and at one of its strongest points, I made the decision to pull away from my friendship with The Man I Loved. This got interrupted when I flew home to be with my dying grandmother, as he …
Monster in My Head
It took me a long time to share my last post, The Long Road Back, on my blog. See, there’s a monster in my head. Not the depersonalization. No, thankfully, Michael (my counselor) and I have worked out that depersonalization is on the retreat for now. This? This is something stronger.
Every Now and Then, You Come to Mind
There’s a Sheryl Crow duet with Sting where she sings the lyric, “Every now and then, you come to mind.” It’s a sad song, a song about lovers who once knew one another and now no longer talk or see one another. The song speaks to the core of me. A common theme throughout my …
The B Word
There seems to be a love affair with the B word in New Zealand education: bullying. There’s no denying that bullying occurs. That would be like denying breathing keeps us alive. But the use of the word disturbs me in the fact that, from what I have encountered in my professional life, the B word …
25 Years Ago(-ish), I Started College
Around 25 years ago, in late August 1992, I started college (erm, university for you British English speakers out there). It’s a right-of-passage many Americans go through every year when they’re 18, and I’m sure there are many stories about how that first year went for a great many people. Maybe my experience was unique, …
Living In The Here and Now
I originally wrote this blog in May 2016 but never published it. I’m not sure why I didn’t, but here it is, updated slightly. Over the past few years I’ve written about emerging from a period of suffering from the dissociative disorder known as depersonalisation, the result of a lifetime full of anxiety and a …
“Ben”: A Published Poem by Yours Truly
So, there’s been a lot going on in my life lately, and I’ve not been able to blog as much as I’d like. Sorry about that. One cool thing I ended up doing last week was I took that blogger’s advice that dissociative people should undertake something they love and work with it. Okay, I …
#PrayforOrlando and #PrayforPeace
View this post on Instagram #PrayforOrlando #prayforpeace #peace #acceptance #noh8 #nohate #loveislove A post shared by Scott Hoaglinsen (@scotthoaglinsen) on Jun 12, 2016 at 11:49pm PDT
A Facebook Post about Pulse Orlando
So I’m usually one of the first people to say something about a tragedy like the one at Pulse in Orlando, but it has left me shocked, and upset, and flabbergasted. There’s a fatigue that’s overwhelming me. America, we keep having this conversation, but there’s never a proper conclusion to it. How many more deaths …
