Pandemic Lockdown Day 31: 25 April 2020

I had 3 dreams I remember from last night, two of which were related.

In the first one, my parents and I were in the back porch area in the home I spent most of my childhood growing up in. It was an enclosed area, at the back of the garage, with a large, open window between it and the kitchen. When we were kids, this was where almost all of our meals were held in.

When I was in high school, my parents added on to the house. In the process, the back porch was destroyed — it became a mud room, closet, and office area in the larger addition — and the windows in the bathrooms and rear bedroom facing the patio where the addition was going were closed in.

In my first dream, my parents and I were in the back porch, and looking out into the area where the patio or then the addition would be, there was a bunch of levelled land. The windows were still covered over, and there was sheet rock / GIB board over the former outer wall. I asked my Mom if they’d got sick of the addition, and she kinda shrugged and went on eating whatever it was she was eating, a disinterested look on her face. So I didn’t push any more.

In the second dream, she and I were in the back bedroom. It held the burnt orange color scheme that it had been when I was younger. We were packing up clothes of mine in all the dressers and storage areas in the room because my brother Brian, his wife, and their kids were moving in to stay with my parents. They were all staying in the one room. I asked if this was going to be too cramped, but she said the kids could sleep on the floor without a problem.

At some point in the dream, children I didn’t know kept coming up to me and showing me immaculate Christmas decorations wrapped in plastic. I had to pick which ones I wanted them to put up. Some of them were very beautiful. I asked my Mom why we were putting up Christmas decorations in April, and she said because of COVID-19, we needed a little happiness in our lives, and she knew how much I loved Christmas, so the kids were putting up all the decorations around the house for when my brother, sister-in-law, and nephews and niece moved in, so we could all celebrate together even through lockdown. This made me very upset and happy too.

Another dream involved the hint of my husband and I showing a well-off Russian family around New Zealand during their visit. They had a large airplane which had vertical take-off abilities and looked very boxy compared to existing airplanes. We somehow snuck in to the airplane. They were flying from Sydney (starting in New Zealand, I guess?) to San Francisco and knew I wanted to get home to visit my family. The seats were all first class seats. The part of the plane we were meant to sit had three seats side-by-side with another three facing us. These were on one side of a square pillar each. The seats either end actually wrapped around the pillar, so they faced both forwards and to one side. There were extra seats along the side of the pillars too.

I was on one of the edge seats.

During the flight, there were these displays of San Francisco and Sydney flashing all along the cabin walls. It was very immersive.

At one point, I was getting very warm, so I had to take my sweater off — this had some bearing on COVID-19 too — and I had another sleeveless sweater with a turtleneck collar on it. I was trying to figure out how to get a teeshirt on instead of the sweater because I was very warm.

There was a lot of nod-nod, wink-wink, that we were going to get into America without a problem because this family was rich, and money bought access. Virus didn’t matter one bit.

At the latter end of the dream, our cat Sissy appeared. She was happy and wanted a cuddle. I was stroking her and encouraging her on my lap when two men (who I hadn’t dealt with previously) said she would have no problem getting into America because, they said, American had lax animal border control laws (this is what they said, and I’m not sure how true that is in real life), but I would have problems getting Sissy back into New Zealand as New Zealand is strict. I told them I knew a person who processed pets legally in to New Zealand (which I do) and he would sort her out without a problem, and I trusted him a ton (this is also true). And that’s where the dream ended.

I had breakfast, surfed the net, had a shower, then played Final Fantasy XV for a while. At one point, I noticed a notification on WhatsApp on my phone but couldn’t find what it meant. Later, I saw a (very very very very small) notification that The Man I Once Loved tried to video call me at 6:50 this morning. (I was asleep, so I wouldn’t’ve got the call even if I was awake with my phone set to Do Not Disturb mode until 7.) I wrote back but heard nothing back from him. Obviously not an emergency.

Okay, so yes, I have been chatting a little with The Man I Once Loved. Pandemic across the globe and all that, and yes, I still care about him and just wanted to know everything was okay. I can’t remember if it was me or him who reached out first, but we have been messaging back and forth a little to make sure each of us is okay.

Yesterday, I messaged him with a less shallow kind of message and a more personal one, one with a bit of depth. I asked him how he was holding up, and I meant that because I am concerned. My message conveyed that he was always the stoic, “we’ll make do” kinda guy (as opposed to me being the very anxious one), but these were very extraordinary times and I just wanted to know how he was holding up. This was early in the morning there / late in the evening here, so a little time lapsed. I know he was going in to work and would be relatively alone today (there), so I think he decided he wanted to chat and video called me.

We haven’t spoken face-to-face in 5 years or so.

Part of me really wanted to just talk with him.

Another part of me got upset that he looked at WhatsApp hours I had messaged him to say, “Hey, I missed your video call, is everything okay?”, and didn’t even look at my message.

It’s like I built myself up again to talk and then I got let down again by my own expectations. And, also, maybe I put more motivation behind the missed call than there was. But it did mean a lot to me that he tried to call.

COVID-19 in New Zealand. Another 5 cases today, and sadly, another death. All our deaths have been people in their 60s, 70s, and older, which doesn’t make them any the less heartbreaking or tragic.

I was hoping the cases would eventually peter out to 0 per day, but maybe that’s a few more days off yet.

While I didn’t do much today, I am still very tired, so I think I will leave my entry at that for today. Please stay safe, be kind, and look after yourselves.