Pandemic Lockdown Day 20: 14 April 2020

I won’t bore you about what I dreamt about last night, because, to be totally honest, it was the same mish-mash of my brain fitfully trying to process things as it was on night’s before. There is some very frantic part of my brain currently that’s trying to find patterns in things and comfort in patterns and push some sort of immediacy to staying as active as possible. I’ve been like that during periods of panic attacks and anxiety, and also throughout the earthquakes, when my sleep would be disturbed by the random earthquake or 12 throughout the night.

So I wake up feeling both refreshed and tired. A strange dichotomy.

What forced me out of bed this morning was the need to pee. I have been quite dehydrated over the last few days, and so have been drinking a lot more water. Unfortunately, after a severe bladder infection when I was in college (university for you Kiwis), I sometimes can’t tell when I need to go. I feel pressure. Sometimes strong, sometimes weak. This morning it was very apparent but a weaker pressure, but strong enough to keep waking me up and forcing me finally to admit defeat in trying to sleep and go to the toilet. (I did really have to go though.)

Now that you know more than you ever wanted to know about me and my bladder, I can talk about the rest of the day.

We were supposed to have a storm system move through this week sometime. It hasn’t really arrived. A cold front moved through, so it was quite windy yesterday, cold last night, and very cool and windy on-and-off today. My husband and I vowed we’d stay in as much as possible. I’d told my work colleagues I was going to try to have today off, as this was now day 25 since I started working and only the 4th day I was going to get off in that period of time.

Yeah. Best laid plans.

First thing this morning, a text from my colleague. She can’t get into the online learning system. I go online to reset her password, gather further information, including that the site address has changed, and text it to her. Not even 10 seconds later, I get a text back: oops, she didn’t read the email I’d sent to the students, and voila, she was back in after she followed the instructions. Hm.

I ordered a refill for one of the pills I take as I have about 7 left. The perfectionist in me requested refills of my other pill and my inhaler because I like to be consistent like that. The requested amount was transferred into their account. I was a bit paranoid because I am overdue to see the doctor, but my anxiety levels were excessive during my last visit to get my flu shot during the COVID-19 lockdown, to the point where I was experiencing derealization (which I had experienced twice in the 5 years prior during my depersonalization), and I made this clear in my message.

Score one for me: they texted to say the prescription had been sent to the pharmacy.

Tomorrow, our weekly groceries arrive. We ordered only staples that we need to make meals during this week. The vegetables from last week’s order were superb. I can’t fault them. This week, I found a little surprise on their site — small Lego sets — so I ordered 3. They pushed the point home they would be random. I don’t care. It’s a little treat for me, and inexpensive too (depending on the size of the sets).

I played Final Fantasy XV all day. I got it when it first came out about 3 years ago, played it for a few missions, but was so depersonalized that I couldn’t face it. I started playing it a little yesterday, starting from scratch, and spent most of today pushing my way through it. At around lunchtime, I went to take a shower, and when I was in the bathroom, I realized how much I was loving it. So I kept playing it.

Tonight, my husband cooked dinner. I emailed the tutors the stragglers who hadn’t signed in to the online system for them to follow up tomorrow. I hope they do that.

We had a lot of deaths today in New Zealand due to COVID-19. 4 more, 3 related to the rest home here in Christchurch. 2 men in their 90s and 1 man in his 80s. But it is still sad. I know the hospital staff are doing their best.

Today was also my cousin Greg’s birthday. He was born a year and 6 days after me. He died over 7 years ago now. I miss him immensely, and I didn’t want to be morbid and write anything about his birthday on Facebook. Still, he has been in my thoughts and prayers a lot lately. I see all the deaths from COVID-19 in New York City, also where he died, and wonder what would have happened to him had he still been alive today. It’s horrible to even think about.

The COVID-19 cases in New Zealand were a small amount today. I hope this remains lower and lower every day.

I hope you and your loved ones are well, dear readers. Stay safe.