Last night, I had recurring dreams. It had something to do with yellow forms and matching data against various people I didn’t know. The entire night seemed to be filled with it. At one point in the night, I pinged completely awake. This is something common that has happened after the earthquakes. But at least now, it doesn’t seem as bad trying to get back to sleep again. In this case, I was soothing myself by reminding me that I had nowhere to be in the morning and no set time to wake up, so fine, keep me awake with whatever little mini-panic attack my mind wanted to throw at me, because I could just sleep in later to make up for the time lost. That seemed to work. It usually seems to work.

Again, I had good intentions of making homemade egg mcmuffins for breakfast but defaulted to Sultana Bran. After that, I had a little bit of down time on my computer, before washing out my CPAP machine.

The weather was moody today. It was Nor’West’r, where the clouds get smooth and layered and very dramatic. After the wash cycle completed, I took my CPAP hose and head strap out to the clothesline to dry.

The wind kept increasing and then stood still for some time. My husband suggested I bring the CPAP hose back inside (as it was not attached to the clothesline and he didn’t want it to blow down or away). Heading back outside, I saw our neighbor’s cat Jack, whom I haven’t seen in a while. He was very genuinely happy to see me. Before I could prompt him, he jumped up on a low chest-like container we have, and I pet him a lot. He wanted his belly rubbed, so I obliged him, until he pushed my hand away: no more petting my tummy, Mr. Scott. My hand ran over his head and back for a long while, and he seemed very happy with that.

When I went to get the CPAP hose, he jumped off the chest and ran ahead of me. I think he thought we were going to play. He went to the tree outside my office window and sharpened his claws on it, but I was already inside by the time he caught up with me again. Sissy saw him, and he saw Sissy. Sissy made a beeline for him (as she does) with a step a Gestapo trooper would be proud of. She rubbed against the cat door — she’s an indoor cat, so it doesn’t open — to say it was hers, gave Jack a filthy look, then headed back into the house. Jack was left bewildered; he loves her but why doesn’t she love him?

After a shower, we decided to go for a walk. It was very Nor’west’r outside, but it was mild. We had a good walk, then got home just in time for me to make egg mcmuffins for lunch then talk to my Mom for 2 hours. It was a lovely chat. I even got to speak to my Dad for a while, which is rare but I wish was more frequent.

Tonight, we watched Into the Woods as a recurring musical theme we have been having the last week or so. The musical honestly moves me. I played the Baker my junior year in high school, and the allegory of the Giantess being HIV / AIDS swiping away most of the population through a rampage of the kingdom as a young gay closeted teenager didn’t go unnoticed. In fact, the musical has always moved me. I remember feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted every time we finished a show. As an adult, having experienced being in love, a lot more loss, complex relationships, and natural disasters too, I feel I understand the musical even more profoundly as I did then.

It was, and is, one (if not the) most personally moving acting experiences I have ever had in my entire life.

Today, we had a rise in cases of COVID-19 of 18 confirmed and probable cases. 49 people recovered. We aren’t out of the woods yet, no pun intended, but I have a good feeling that we will emerge from this lockdown a lot less battered and bruised than other places in the world. America is getting hit hard at the moment, thanks to the ineptness and incompetence of Trump and his administration. We — I mean everyone: man on the street, media, other politicians, medical professionals, everyone — need to call that man and his sycophants out on this major disaster. The news emerging from the States about how many missed opportunities there were to reign this in keeps getting more and more unforgivable, and the people getting sick and dying while trying to protect people, without adequate resources or some sort of coherent public health system, is negligent bordering on a crime against humanity. As of today, 500,000+ people have been officially diagnosed with COVID-19 in the USA — and with testing kits being very difficult to get, it is hard to argue those figures aren’t significantly higher — and 20,000+ people have died. The USA has the highest reported infection rate and the highest death rate for any country in the world right now. Shameful.

I am anxious about my friends’ and my family’s health and safety. Very anxious. Part of me wishes I was there to help, and another part of me knows that’s a death wish and a half in the making for me.

Once this blows over, I hope those who were so negligent in their duties are held responsible. Like the Baker confronting the Witch in Into the Woods, mid-crisis is not the time to do this. But, true to form, the Witch folds in the heat of the moment, showing the true heroes of the piece. I just hope this is all reigned in before much more damaged and many more deaths happen.

Writer, blogger, actor, reader, singer, liberal, German, American, Kiwi, gay, Caucasian, educational administrator.

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