Pandemic Lockdown Day 7: 1 April 2020

Today is not the day for April Fool’s Day jokes.

Every year, I post some funny, outlandish thing on The Place Where I Work’s Web page and link it to all the social media pages.

Honestly, I didn’t feel I had the time or the energy to do that this year. Plus I didn’t feel it was entirely appropriate.

So, for this year, I skipped it.

I managed again to sleep in a little bit this morning. Last night, I slept very soundly (almost too soundly) because I was exhausted, but at some point my mind pings awake and the rest of the night’s sleep becomes fitful. A remnant from the earthquakes, maybe? I don’t know.

My aunt had written me a nice email, so I spent a bit of time responding to her. It was a nice surprise to get the email, and I wanted to acknowledge that and spend time and energy on responding to her and my uncle.

Again, today, I worked solely on the Moodle site for The Place Where I Work. I didn’t look at emails, I didn’t divert my attention elsewhere, but I merely focussed on that one main task I had.

Even though it looked like a glorious, sun-filled day outside today, I forced myself to do my work. The entire The Place Where I Work was depending on me. Again.

This afternoon, I had a Zoom session with my counselor. It went okay. At first, it was disastrous. For some reason, my computer decided I needed to download some supplementary app (which never happened before), and when my counselor and I connected, there was no sound whatsoever. The pop-up about audio kept going around and around in circles, so we had to disconnect and reconnect, and everything was fine.

The session revolved around my anxiety and worries surrounding COVID-19, even culminating, the weekend before last, in a very strong derealization episode where I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. A lot of our conversation revolved around anxiety and worry, when these emotions only seem to be there to burn through what precious emotional energy I do have left.

Something to work on.

Tonight, I finished up dinner number 3 out of the chicken casserole I made the other night. 3 dinners out of it, so that was good value. I have enough casseroles like this to make 12 dinners for us during the lockdown. Add another 4 spaghetti dinners, and that makes 16 dinners out of 30 (or maybe more) we could make. The husband made 6 dinners already, so that takes us to 22. So we are doing well with our meal planning so far. I do believe I’m going to try making crepes (which I haven’t made forever) for another night, and that should drive up the meals by one more at least: 23. We seem to be doing pretty well.

I have to admit, dear readers, that I have retreated for reaching out to people for the last few days. I feel somewhat overwhelmed, and maybe part of it is protecting myself from a worst case scenario. I don’t know. The situation in the States is, quite frankly, grim, and it worries me immensely. There has always been some mechanism within me that pushes away from others when things get dodgy, and I think that mechanism is at play here. Maybe I should work harder at getting rid of that mechanism.

Tomorrow is another day. I need to honestly start taking some time for me soon. I need to start planning out some non-work activities so I can also take some time to concentrate on relaxation.